Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I have to start by saying I DO NOT have post-adoption depression, or any sort of problem. I was just wondering - why do I sometimes want my babies to be asleep more than I want them to be awake? And why does my husband keep complaining about missing his "old" life? Aren't we deliriously happy?

I've read a lot of blogs by parents of children adopted (or born) from years to months ago, and the one thing I've noticed is they all talk about the great joy and happiness their child has brought; best thing/ meaning of life, understand love now, etc etc. All I can say is, if bringing this creature that mostly makes loud noises and demands things into your home, completely taking over your life and making you tired and unable to do the fun stuff you used to do, not to mention taking all your money and completely changing your personality - if all of those changes bring you joy, then your life must have been pretty boring before. In fact, if you were such a boring person that losing your life brings you nothing but happiness, I wonder if you should be a parent. I mean, we had a good life. Two incomes, no debt, lots of disposable income, hobbies, friends, and the ability to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted, outside of the work week. Why would we be delighted about losing all that?

If I were waiting to adopt, and reading this, I would be gasping in horror that this terrible person was allowed to have children. But the truth is, I am not alone. In fact, according to some research

the majority of adoptive parents experience some ambivalence.

I hope you can appreciate how hard it is to share this publicly. But I think it's very important for people to know this, even if (like me) you are reading this and not really bothering to register it because you know you would never feel like this!

"When I first heard the term, post adoption depression syndrome (PADS), it seemed like a paradox. After all, once the paperwork, home study, waiting and expenses, (not to mention the stress) were over, wouldn't the moment of finally holding one's baby be a time of rejoicing? For many it is, but, for some it's not, and instead they experience post adoption depression. This reaction may catch people off guard, especially when it can't be explained by hormones, as is the case with postpartum depression."

I'm sure, too, there really are lots of new parents who never ever feel anything but complete bliss every second of every day - we don't need to hear from you, your blogs are easy to find!

Anyway, I just wanted to link those articles because I found they made me feel better. That is not to say there isn't real joy around here most of the time!


Destination Motherhood said...
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Destination Motherhood said...

I personally felt there was so much anticipation and stress of waiting for referral and then waiting for travel that when it was all said I almost missed that. That sound crazy, but i think it's such an emotional roller coaster that when you get off you are a little numb. Your boys are such little sweeties!